Deviously Clever Bovines...

Cows are not as stupid as they look.

 

 

Behind this docile façade is a cunning mind.

 

Trust me - they trick you into foolishly believing that they are docile, simple creatures, whilst biding their time and hatching their plans to make your weekend down-time disappear... They KNOW when the boss is away, when its weekend, and when you are short staffed. Don't ask me how, (personally I think the egrets are in on it), but they just do.

 

They will wait until a Saturday evening at 5pm, when you're about to drive out of the gate to head home to your glass of wine and happy hubby and canines, and then they're all like "Ooo! Green grass, on the other side of the fence! That hasn't been there all week has it?! Looks yummy, lets bounce" and all 60 of them will walk over a barbed wire fence into your pasture, and you have no-one to help you put them back.

 

Devious.Little.Bastards.

 

Then they will spend the last half an hour of evening light frolicking in absolute bliss (SUCH a fun game) as pikkie over here (that would be me) curses, slips in cowpats and inevitably electrocutes herself on the electric fence, whilst trying to chase them all back through the smallest hole, waving her arms around like a lunatic, and screaming murderous threats of hamburgers and espatadas in their general direction. This usually ends with me unleashing a final deluge of expletives, throwing a few lofty rocks (which miss, of course) and storming off home to drown my frustrations - whilst our lovely busty bovines enjoy the spoils of war.

 

Cows 1, Leechie 0.

 

So, you fix the fence and retrieve all the fat, full cows the next morning (which is, of course, Sunday), reprimanding them as they march through the gate, and instructing them to stay put this time. They look at you as if to say "OK crazy lady, keep telling yourself that" and head off to munch on some grass. You think everything is fine again, and now you can enjoy the rest of your weekend. HAH! The moo-thership has other plans... True as bob, leaving dairy at 5pm, I look up to see that they are all out again. And I could swear they are laughing at me...

 

Cows 2, Leechie 0.

 

Hence, today I fixed that fence like a woman possessed. It looks like a spiderweb of impenetrability. I even tested it on my dog, and she couldn't get through it (not for lack of trying, that's for sure). After retrieving the distraught dog from the other side of the fence, I went off to gloat, walking through the herd with a spring in my step and a twinkle in my eye. "Hah! Get through that bitches!" I thought as I drove off to dairy.

I've just checked them now. They're still in their paddock. It must be my amazing fencing skills you say? Nah...its because its not the weekend, there are more than enough staff around to lend a helping hand, and the boss is back from the beach.

I told you, they're clever cows.