2020 - the year of "No"

I have decided that 2020 is my year of "No".

The year of letting go of the guilt associated with saying "No" and just accepting that life is too short to try and please everyone. This year, I'm all about pleasing myself - get your mind out of the gutter please - and embracing peace of mind knowing that I can be happy without having to keep everyone else happy at the same time.

I'm going to say "No" to other peoples' drama. There is nothing worse than being sucked into someone else's soap opera, where everyday brings a new drama and histrionics aimed at drawing attention and illiciting sympathy. Done. I'll get my fill of drama from Netflix on a Saturday night, thank you.

It's a big "No" to negativity in all of its sly forms. If you have something negative to say, go ahead and say it, but I won't engage with you or agree with you. This goes for negative actions and energy too - I am so done with negative people.What is the point of finding something wrong every day? Let it go, be positive even when things look bleak - attitude is an amazing game changer... I always try to see the positive in any situation, and it makes a big difference in how one reacts to and deals with problems. Getting negative, angry and grumpy never achieves anything positive, it only brings down others around you too.

There will be a few "Yes"s among all of these definitive refusals, the most important one being - me. You may feel that this is quite vain or selfish, but quite honestly,  I don't care what you think. And please don't take that the wrong way, because it's not about you, but rather, about me and the way I view and respect myself. 

I've neglected the most important person in my life, and it's time to reconnect with her and find that carefree, whimsical person that is hidden somewhere under the "mom" facade. I've taken up and been loving my yoga as it gives me time to reflect on my personal strength and goals and to refocus my energy into the right places. Of course, this only happens when I'm not being used as a jungle gym by my two children....

I've also taken up running - yes, you heard right, I'm actually running. And surprisingly enough, thoroughly enjoying it! It has become a bit of an addiction at the moment, and luckily we are so spoiled for options out in the country, so it hasn't got boring yet! A group of us have entered a two day stage race happening in May (or supposed to be...), and having that goal to work towards has been extremely rewarding. Getting and staying running fit is hard, much harder than swimming for me, but I feel so energized and proud of myself after every outing that it is slowly becoming addictive. I'm also feeling the most positive about my body for the first time since having children, and that is doing wonders for my self-esteem. It feels great to just disconnect from life and engage with nature and myself.

So, even with all the uncertainty and fear around the current Covid-19 Pandemic, I find myself strangely optimistic about life. This global disaster has brought out several positive reactions in humanity; we are appreciating our health and working harder at staying healthy, appreciating our time together as a family, and looking out for and caring for others who are more vulnerable than ourselves. Our country has been so positive in their approach to combatting the virus that I find myself so proud of my fellow South Africans and positive that we will come out of this as better people when it is all over.

Therefore - Away with you negativity. You are a useless and damaging emotion, I hereby expunge you from my life with immediate effect.

Love and light to you all. Stay strong and healthy, and stay the F*ck at home...

Living the screen dream...

This past weekend we decided, spur of the moment, to take a trip to the coast and get the kids some vitamin sea. We live about an hour and a half away from some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, so we hardly need an excuse to pack everyone up and head down to Durban for a night.

The weather played out of its boots - an absolutely beautiful day on the beach, with a slight breeze and refreshing, clear water. There's nothing better than exhausted, happy, sun-kissed bodies having a midday nap whilst mom and dad catch up on some of the Australian Open...bliss.

On our way back up the hill, we thought it would be nice to take the wildlings to watch a movie at the cinema - an outing that was met with much excitement from two little bare-footed country bumpkins! As they weaved through the throngs of people in the mall, laughing wildly without a care in the world, my heart swelled with pride and happiness for these two little people of ours. Not a care in the world and so much life to live. The disparaging looks from mall patrons only made me chuckle as I really do pity people who take life so seriously, and can't see that two little happy kids running through a mall, bare-footed and fancy-free is something to aim for, not shy away from.

As we reached the cinema complex, something became startlingly clear to me. Nearly every single person that we had passed in the mall was on their phone.

A couple in a coffee shop, two steaming cups of java between them, both slouched in their chairs staring at their screens. The security guard at the top of the escalators, the attendant behind the ticket counter, the cleaner in the toilets...and everywhere I looked I could find them. Earphones in, vacant bored expressions on their faces, completely sucked into their screens. 

Disturbing, but perhaps I'm overreacting right?

As we entered the movie theatre, the same condition persisted. Children that couldn't be older than eight or nine, attached to their cellphones. Throughout the movie there were constant notifications and even a few phone calls - kids unable, or more accurately, unwilling to turn off their devices for the duration of a Disney movie. There was even a child in the row in front of us who was playing a game on his phone throughout the movie, with his earphones in. At one point I had to get up to take my child to the toilet, so i rummaged in my handbag for our tickets (surely we would need them to get back in?) and made a sneaky exit - straight past the door attendant who didn't even look up from her screen in acknowledgement of my explanation that we were just quickly going out and would be back. The same reaction from the steward at the entrance to the complex, although he did give me a cursory wave with his hand as if to say move on now. After we had finished in the toilets, we made our way back to the theatre without any challenge or acknowledgement from any of the staff - we could have been anyone just walking in and they wouldn't have cared. 

I pointed this out to the hubster as we were making our way back through the crowds after our movie. We jokingly counted how many patrons we could find that were not on their phones, but the actual count was really nothing to joke about. I can't believe that there were so many people disengaged from the present, completely lost to their tiny world of technology. Its confusing enough to me that you're inside a mall on a beautiful beach day, but to be sucked into your phone on top of it, and not even engaging with the people with you, makes me really sad. Its like they were all just wafting about in a dreamlike daze, bored and indifferent of the world around them, seeking gratification and verification through their devices. 

As we got back to the car, I automatically reached for my phone to check my messages. None. No-one looking for me, no missed calls. And it made me think how, through technology, we are under constant pressure to be available at all times, to everyone, for everything. Its a constant form of anxiety, thinking that you need to have your phone with you at all times just in case someone needs you. It's also an easy escape from reality, a place to post enviable social updates and shop for specials online, a distraction from boredom. A place to disengage from the "mundane, predictable, ordinary" everyday life that we live. A life that we should be embracing and experiencing every single day. A life that we should be living, not tweeting. 

It made me realise that you don't have to succumb to this time-devouring, anxiety inducing device. Do yourself a favour and put it away. Turn off your notifications, and challenge yourself to be less dependant on your phone. Put it down and pick up those running shoes, or go play outside with your kids. If someone needs you, they can wait - you need you sometimes too. Be present in the now and stop being available to everyone else but yourself. Your phone will still be there when you're done living for the moment.

So next time you're bored and reach for your phone, remember to pause - look up. Appreciate everything that is around you, take in the sights and the sounds. Greet random strangers, stop and smell the roses.

You might be surprised at how much you have been missing.

Would you believe it.... A Blogpost!

Greetings avid readers and time-wasters (yes, you, reading this blog instead of doing something far more useful)...

I'm back.

It only took 2 years...but I said I would write again, and here I am. Granted, I only have the time due to having to be at early morning dairy earlier than usual as we have a wonderful thing called loadshedding in South Africa now, which is becoming the norm on most days. This is the process of limiting electrical supply to consumers in order to reduce the load on the generating plant - a result of several years of poor planning and implementation of maintenance to our ageing electrical infrastructure in South Africa. So we make due with generators and rising diesel costs to try and compensate - the ever present challenges of dairy farming!

Since we last spoke, South Africa has been in the grip of a crippling drought, and we have had some trying times on the farm in the past two years. For the first time in my life I have felt true desperation and hopelessness. Being so dependant on the weather is a risky business and I have come to appreciate every small drop of rain and beam of sunlight. Without these things, life is not possible - both literally and figuratively. I look out my window now, this morning, as the rain softly patters on the shed roof, and I am filled with hope and gratitude. We are still here, we are still farming, we are still positive, most days...

Our little family has grown up too since we last spoke, and I watch in wonder as our two daughters play, learn and grow together every day. I am grateful that we are able to provide them with the best place for little minds and bodies to flourish, and I remind myself everyday what a privilege it is for them to grow up on a farm surrounded by nature and a loving, supportive community.

 Without getting all deep and philosophical now, I will say that I look forward to this new chapter of blogposts, as I am so ready to start writing again. I have missed tapping into my creative juices - a part of myself that has been put on pause whilst raising two little wildlings. 

That having been said, I will wish you adieu for now. I know that we have a lot to catch up on, so I promise that the next post wont be far away! Part of my New Year's resolutions is to spend more time doing the things I love and less time worrying about pleasing everyone else and trying to spread my time over too many menial tasks. The year 2020 is the year that I say no to everyone else and yes to myself. 

Have a wonderful day, dear reader, and we will chat again soon.

xxxxx

Hello world....it's been a while!

So, I started this blog post in June 2017!! It has been sitting in my draft box for almost a year... so I think it's about time that it was posted! Enjoy the outdated update!

Those age-old cliches of "time flies when you're having fun", and "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans", couldn't be more relevant to my life in the last six months. Where has the time gone???? We're halfway through 2017 already, and I haven't even had a chance to sit down and put my thoughts down into a single blog post?!?! Time to catch up...

So, some of the big news items so far in 2017:

1) New Year's trip into Lesotho in January resulted in the conception of baby Thomas number 2, who is due in September 2017! Very exciting news - can't wait to meet the little cutie!

2) Corkie and I swam the Midmar Mile (February 2017) for charity this year. Hopefully next year we'll be more organised and get some serious moola for the PinkDrive.

 
3) Little sister (AKA Ratus Bratus) tied the knot on the farm in March 2017 (*sob*) - no more Torr weddings! All done now with Torr4 a hitched woman!

4) April 2017 - Started a new business with the afore mentioned Ratus Bratus specializing in the selling and renting of pre-loved wedding dresses - Twice Is Nice Boutique. (www.twiceisniceza.com). Know someone looking for an affordable designer wedding dress? Send them our way!

That's about all the exciting news bits and pieces from the last few months... now we are just waiting for Winter to arrive in the Midlands. It's been so mild this year, only two really big frosts so far, and a lot of the grass is still green! We've been waiting weeks to try and get our firebreaks done...not that I'm complaining! But I'm sure this means we are going to have a late cold snap and late Spring rains which translates to another challenging season ahead for the farm. At least now our dams are full again (I will do a post on that next) so that everyone is a little happier going into Winter this year - including the cows!

I used to write...

There was a time when I used to write...

When days were seemingly endless, and time was abundant.

When uninterrupted thoughts flowed eloquently into well constructed, interesting pieces of writing.

That time is gone now. 

Its distant memory haunts me when I get a chance to try gather my thoughts in the mornings as I attempt to get my toddler to put on her clothes for the fourth time and stop picking her nose, and breastfeeding my infant at the same time, whilst sipping on a cup of tea that has been waiting for the last twenty minutes and is now ice-cold...when I am reminded that adulting is now my full time occupation, and that there is not even the faintest glimpse of that past era when...I used to write. And read. And have other hobbies like going to the toilet on my own, exercising alone, or going shopping without a destructive hurricane disguised as a cute little blonde 2 year old girl trying to break or buy everything at knee height in the entire shop.

Yes, those days are gone. They have been replaced by mornings that start at 4:30am, with little people demanding all of the hours in the day until 9pm at night... preparing school lunches, mashing every conceivable vegetable into baby food, expressing milk to feed said baby, school runs, wedding dress business, swimming lessons, fundraisers, committee meetings, cows, farming, cows, more cows, bathtime, play time, dinner time, story time, bedtime... oh the glorious sound of silence at the end of it all. Then its time for "me-time"- after tidying up, expressing milk for the morning, preparing lunch boxes and school bags, doing the washing, and catching up on admin. 

But, I will write again. Of this I am sure. This period is fleeting and I am trying to appreciate every moment spent with our precious children before they don't need me anymore...

Hopefully this is the beginning of a blogspot revival. 

Watch this space!

Lest we forget...

In a week that has been frought with misfortune and stress, I was reminded today of how fortunate I am to have what I have and to be doing what I do. It is so easy to dwell on the bad things that happen to us in life, and every now and then we need to stop.

breathe.

reboot.

About 2 weeks ago, I had to drive to the bottom of the farm to rescue dear Pops from the mud (Yes! Mud! - the rains have arrived!) in my good old faithful cruiser that has seen better days, I must have seen at least ten different bird species, along with several Reed buck, a banded mongoose and a jackal. The birds included all three crane species - rare and endangered birds that we are lucky enough to have on the farm. I drove along the headlands of our maize lands, the sight of mini maize plants standing to attention in their straight lines such a simple joy to eyes accustomed to cracked earth and dry dams. The scattering lapwings with their cacophony of protests as I disturbed their morning sojurn with my noisy, mechanical beast that rumbled past, inspecting the lands and revelling in the muddy slips and slides that added an exciting element of adventure to our little outing. To top it all off, I got to watch as a Gymnogene swooped in to harass a tree full of weavers and, hanging from a branch by one leg, used the other to pluck an unsuspecting weaver out of the nest he was building, and then fly off followed by a flock of frenzied weaver bombers.

Gratitude.

Being grateful for the small things in life. 

Being awed by nature's bountiful offering of life (and death) and appreciating the simple thruths and wonders of the world. 

For the bad times that make you appreciate the good times so much more than you would have if they had come more easily. 

For the struggles that result in hard earned rewards and the satisfaction of a job well done.

For little people who test your limits and full your heart with joy.

For the tantrums and fevers that eventually abate and the giggles and kisses that replace them.

For differences of opinion, yet unconditional love.

For health and happiness.

For Life.

Hi, my name is Leigh, and I am a pluviophile...

The rains have arrived!

Glorious, saturating, overflowing, rain...

I never thought I would be so happy to see mud again. Every time I head out onto the farm I intentionally drive through every puddle so that the resulting spray painted effect of muddiness covers my bakkie like a coat of armour which is then flaunted around the village with pride and joy - until Corks forces me to wash it all off - such a spoilsport...

I just cannot get enough of the stuff. I know that in about 3 weeks time I will be hating it, but for now I'm going to revel in the splendour of glorious wet earth.

In the last two weeks we have had close to 100mm of rain. There is actually water in the top dam near the highway for the first time in over 6 months. The picture on the left was taken just over a week ago - the entire dried out surface of the dam littered with the skeletal remains of thousands of fish. If you look at it today, you would hardly believe that it even looked like this at all. It's such a sight for sore eyes to see precious water once again flowing into the dam.

The weather has been tumultuous, to say the least. The storms have blown in fast on strong North Westerly winds and dumped torrents of rain amid flashing lightning and deafening thunder. There has been a wild kind of desperation to them, as though they're in some sort of race. I'll even admit that the thunder has made me jump on several occasions. Mother Nature deserves the utmost respect and lightning is not something to smirk at around these parts...

Luckily, so far there has been no real damage from these storms, apart from the odd fallen tree and stuck vehicle. Just lots and lots of much needed rain and runoff. The pastures have awakened with renewed vigour - who could have imagined that the Kildare desert still had some life in it after all? - and the cows were absolutely thrilled to return to eating grass again after an 8 month period of being fed anything that we could find to keep them going.

The drought has broken and our hearts are full of hope once more...

There's a new Spring in my step!

Spring has sprung in the Midlands!

And not a moment too soon as we are still desperate for some rain... Temperatures are soaring and everything is "greening up" - a welcome sight for tired eyes. Tired of looking out over dust and brown, dead nothingness. All of that is changing now, and there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon. One thing is for sure, everyone is a lot happier now that the grass is growing! It feels like a dead weight has been lifted off our shoulders. We still have a long way to go, but it feels more bearable now with everything around us making an effort to be alive again!

And boy have we had life in the last few days! A baby boom from the heifers - 25 new babies in 2 weeks! There are calves EVERYWHERE! It's such a welcome sight to have all these little moos running around. Its awesome to watch those first few wobbly steps as a new born calf finds her feet, and so incredible to see them instinctively head for that udder the minute they have the standing thing wrapped up. Nature is amazing.

 Being Spring time, there is the mandatory need for a major change. This usually comes in the form of an epic spring clean. This year it has come in the form of a veranda face lift! Out with those raggedy old draughty windows, and in with some functional spacious retractable doors! Gin and tonic evenings on the stoep just stepped up a level...

Before...

Destruction!!

The end result - magnificent!

There is finally some water in the dams (thanks to 24hour pumping out of our new boreholes) and we have been grafting at pivot maintenance to get the irrigation back up to speed after 8 months of dormancy! Replacing stolen cables, resurrecting hidden hydrants, and digging up 600m of old pivot lines to build new transfer schemes, have all been worth it just to see that first bit of water being irrigated onto the Kildare desert after the most debilitating drought in over a century - something that could become a more regular occurrance with global warming. It literally brought tears to my eyes watching that pivot start up again for the first time since I got back to work after Isla was born. That's how long it has been! Hard to believe that a whole year has passed since the arrival of our little monkey changed our lives forever...

At least someone is appreciating the warm weather - hows this sexy little chick in her cute farm cap? She cant wait to get into the little pool her aunty Robz got her for her 1st birthday. Definitely got those thighs from her mom. Not too sure about that complexion though - must be a serious throw back from the Irish/Welsh genes!

I'm pretty sure that she will have to share her pool with a couple of labradors though... they cannot wait for Summer. Neither can we to be honest - that rainfall!! Bring on the floods!!

Cloudy with a chance of the white stuff...

For once in my life I can honestly say that I am actually hoping that it snows this weekend. The forecasts look good, and we are so prepared for it, to the point that if it doesn't snow, I might even be slightly disappointed!

What has happened to that crazy ranting tourist hater who usually condemns snow and the tourists it brings to the farm? I've put her in her box for this weekend only. She needs to know that this year a big snow event will be a much needed lifeline to this floundering vessel. The more we get, the better for our pastures and dams.

So, bring on the white stuff.

I promise to behave and try be nice to tourists. I wont even do donuts over your snowmen in the John Deere, or offer you some yellow snow. I MIGHT even smile and wave. Stranger things have happened.

One thing is for sure - I will definitely enjoy sharing Isla's first snow experience, after which we'll all snuggle up in front of the fire place with some gluwein (not for Isla, of course), and marvel at the winter wonderland outside. There's nothing more peaceful than that silence when snow is falling. 

It might not be so bad after all...

August 2012 - Feeding in the snow, not fun

Beautiful but not fun to work in!

Catchup...

Life has been crazy for the past few months. Every time I sit down to start a blogpost, something takes me away again after a few sentences. Needless to say, my draft box is full of half-posts that are incomplete and now also largely out of context and irrelevant. Ahh...the life of a working mom! Hence, I do apologise for the lack of witty and entertaining posts over the last few months, but now I hope to beguile you once again with my scribblings, as I seem to finally have mastered the art of parenthood...hah!!(Not really, but I'm trying to convince myself that I actually have my sh*t together and I'm not a complete gibbering wreck of my former self...)

Dismantling the parlour in the old dairy at Fordoun

Now - I realised yesterday that, amidst all the chaos of becoming parents and struggling with our worst drought in a century, I never updated you all on the move into the new dairy! The last time we spoke of it was a few days before Isla's unceremoniously early entry into this world. That was over 9 months ago...crazy, I know. So I wanted to get you all "caught up" on the goings on at Kildare Farm!

Moving an entire dairy operation in one day is no easy task. You have to still milk the cows, twice a day, one way or another. So, our day started bright and early (whats new) on Fordoun farm, where we milked the whole herd from 4-7:30am. A daunting task lay ahead after that morning session - to dismantle the entire parlour and move it across to Kildare in time for afternoon milking at 2:30pm. And lets not forget that I weighed about as much as a cow at the time - 38weeks pregnant and feeling like my drying-off period was way overdue! Needless to say, I think I was about as comfortable as a hippo in a leotard...

Once everything was stripped out of the old parlour, and after it had been cleaned and tested, it was then reinstalled in the new dairy, one stall at a time! A laborious task indeed... and finally, at around 4pm, the girls all queued up for their afternoon mammary massage. Don't they look excited?

The first milking in the new dairy, 15 September 2015

All stations go! 15 September 2015

Support crew - making dinner

A few teething problems here and there, and a lot of dunging cows that required some protective clothing on our part (and a good shampooing later on), resulted in a successful first session that wrapped up at about 10pm - clearly far too strenuous for this pregnant mama who ended up popping a whole week early as a result! Luckily it was a whole team effort, and many happy smiles and helping hands really pulled everything together.

After eight months of watching the new structure come together, our patience and tenacity was finally rewarded as we watched those buxom bovines enjoying their new high-tech dairy. It was almost as though they had a twinkle in their eyes and a spring in their step as they crossed the threshold into a new era of dairy farming on Kildare farm.

I cannot believe that it has almost been a year already that we have been in the new dairy, time has flown past! Just shows you how preoccupied one gets with having a little person entering the equation! Now all we need is some rain, and hopefully these cows will start to earn their keep again.

Come on Spring - GET HERE!

Champagne to celebrate a successful first milking in the new dairy!

A great change is coming...

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

Excerpt from "A Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens

The Winter of despair. Words that ring so true to my ears as I look out over the scorched patch that used to be our main dam, now reduced to a muddy puddle overcrowded by birds, frogs and fish, that squabble with each other over the last few drops of natures most precious resource. The cracks beneath my boots shatter the landscape in all directions - 20 hectares of dried earth. The pumps ran dry months ago, hence the desert-like landscape of our pastures, where every last blade of grass has burnt off and returned to dust. 

Dust. Everywhere. 

The dry Winter breeze picking it up and throwing it into the air in mini tornado's that spiral upwards towards the crisp, cloudless heavens and race away across the desert that should be lush pastures of knee-high rye grass. Skeletal irrigation pivots that tower over the parched land - brand new, used once, just standing, parked, waiting. Planters and Discs and other mechanical monsters stand parked, desolate, waiting. All waiting. For the rain that never comes.

A brand new dairy, wonderful, latest technology - but a herd that dwindles as the bills keep piling up, cows being the only currency during these trying times. Desperate times calling for desperate measures...

Utter devastation. 

Yet, amidst all of the despair there is a small beacon of hope. It is evident that, in times of struggle, the truly amazing people of this world reveal themselves. We have been blessed with such people in our lives. Selfless, caring friends who have organised 200 donated bales of hay to be delivered, free of charge. Friends who have also divined and dug a brand new, 12000litres/hour borehole to help supplement our water supply, as our dams are literally empty. Friends who continue to support and encourage us to keep our heads up and soldier forward. True friends. Greatly appreciated friends.

Drought relief arriving at Kildare

Borehole diggings - different types of rock at each level - down to 120m

The new borehole

Pumping the water into the existing system

Looking out of the window this morning at dairy - the cows munching away at their silage and hay, quietly processing their food into valuable litres of white gold - I realise that, although we are experiencing a really tough winter, life carries on and we just have to hang in there and do the best we can. With over 800 mouths to feed every day, one cannot just roll over and go back to sleep. The air is fresh, the sun is up, and another day has dawned with new challenges. 

Take a deep breath of clean, crisp morning air, and J.F.D.I.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Martin Luther King, JR.

The quarter quell

A quarter of 2016 is gone.

25%

91 days out of 365...

Can anyone tell me please where the time has gone?? I feel like it was only yesterday that we were cutting christmas cake and drinking too much champagne....and only now has the proverbial "New Year's hangover" kicked in.

The first month of this year honestly felt like the aftermath of a frontal lobotomy. My brain was completely donated to my daughter at birth, of this I am 100% convinced. Trying to juggle going back to work and still dealing with being an amateur at motherhood is hard! On a good day I feel like a complete muppet, and I can only hope that this is a temporary affliction - it really is quite difficult getting by without one's brain...

In my moments of lucidity, I find myself wondering how we must have spent our spare time before bubs came along. My conclusion is that we probably spent it poorly, and definitely did not appreciate it at all, as it now seems to be some sought after fantasy that is forever out of reach. How I miss those selfish walks alone, and the irresponsibility of being able to drop everything and disappear to Durban for a quick evening treat at the movies. On the same note though, I couldn't imagine my life without mini-me. She has brought such joy and happiness to our lives, I wouldn't swap it for anything in the world!

But I still really would like my brain back...

Drought

Dust in my throat, my eyes

Blue skies

Flies

Buzzing around my head

Dead

Eyes staring, pleading

Needing

Rain

Parched soil, cracked earth

Wasted girth

Birth

Of another scorching day

Away

Over the plain

Ever elusive

Rain

A brisk wind, a cloud up high

Trees sigh

My

Eyes turn to the West

Thunderous claim

A chance

Rain

Joy, fear, doubt, dread

Thoughts rush through my head

Lead

Drops on a tin roof

Heavy, promising

Fleeting

Disappointing

Drought

Nothing compares (Caution: Baby Story!)

Everyone says that you'll never be fully prepared for the enormity of having your first child. They fill your head with horror stories of how "you can just forget about your free time" and how "you'll never sleep again", or that you are "trapped for the next 20 years of your life"... You are constantly regaled with other peoples' stories about their Life After Children/Kids (which shall forthwith be appropriately referred to as LACK), that all seem to have a common patronising undertone and are inevitably negative.

What bollocks.

Having been inundated with such nerve wracking drivel, it should come as no surprise to you that I was super nervous, and quite frankly, terrified, of this new little person who was about to enter our perfect little lives. What had we let ourselves in for? Would our lives change so drastically that we would hate every minute of every day with our little bundle of poop and tantrums? Would we come to regret the day we ever decided to multiply, and wish that we could go back to the perfect serenity and freedom of just the two of us again?

Preparations were frenzied - we shopped for all the things that we were told we would need. Babies need special sterilisers, and special creams and shampoos, and everything you buy/get has to be washed dozens of times before baby comes so that baby doesn't develop a rash from new clothes etc...all very complicated and daunting this LACK story... And of course in the meantime, the scary stories and patronising comments kept coming - "you're doing cloth nappies? Good luck with that, you'll be back on disposables within a week!" and "nothing ever works out the way you planned, it wont be perfect no matter how prepared you are."

Wow.

My experience in those last few weeks before baby was due is that people are really intimidating towards new mothers. You'd think it would be enough to just smile and ask how you are doing, but the constant comments and "advice" were actually no help whatsoever when it came to putting us at ease about our new little person's imminent arrival. Luckily for us, we generally take most opinions with a pinch of salt, and although the nerves were there (who wouldn't be nervous about having a baby?!) Dale and I couldn't wait to start this new chapter in our lives.

Isla Rae Thomas made her arrival into this world a week early on the 17th September 2015. We had planned to try for a natural birth, but after several hours of "trying", and after thousands of litres of "happy gas" had been consumed, she was very unceremoniously removed via emergency c-section, a welcomed relief for mom who promptly fell asleep after baby left theatre with dad to go get all cleaned up! All the grand ideas of a gentle natural birth and skin-to-skin contact straight after birth (things that were very important before going into labour), completely disappeared into thin air as we marvelled at the tiny little creature in our arms, safe and sound and healthy. There is no feeling that can compare to that feeling you get when you hold you're own child for the first time. It really is profound. I never thought I could ever love something with my entire being the way that I love her. She is remarkable. Every moment that I am away from her I have the most ridiculous FOMO...I just don't want to miss a second with her.  

So...what about all those comments on how our "lives would change forever" and that we'd "never have time to do anything for ourselves anymore"? Yes - Our lives have changed forever. Is this a bad thing? Most definitely not. If anything, Isla has made us appreciate how lucky we are to have been able to live the lives that we did before she arrived. Yes - She has changed the way in which we have to do things - we have to actually make plans to go away as opposed to previously being able to lock up and go whenever we wanted to. But this means we've actually spent more time at home, working on home projects and nesting, which has been great fun. Yes - We are sleep deprived. But as she gets older, she is sleeping longer, and being awake at un-godly hours throughout the night enables you to see and hear things you never would have had you been sleeping - the howls of the jackals, the hooting of an owl, and watching the sun rise at 4am are all beautiful new experiences for someone who has never been a morning person. Add into the equation that you are cuddling the most gorgeous little human being in your arms, and what more could you actually want in life?! Yes - She demands a lot of time and attention. But every moment is fleeting, and she grows so quickly that you appreciate every moment you get with her. She'll never be that small again. It's so sad how quickly she is becoming a real little person - I want her to stay small forever!

Having said all that, what about the flip side? No - We do not feel trapped in any way. We love spending time with Isla, and if that means staying at home a lot more, we're happy for it. Also, when we need to do our own things (like Midmar Mile, Dusi, Sani2C), we tag-team it! That's why there are two parents... the same applies to comments on freedom and free time. No - She does not just poop, eat and sleep. Although she does all of these things for most of the time, she is also developing every day and it is fascinating to watch her turning into a real little person with thoughts and desires. But I will admit, those poop-splosions (AKA poo-namies) are quite impressive at times, and extremely entertaining! No - There are no regrets whatsoever. None. Nada. Niks. We're actually talking about #2 already...

So, all being said and done, this whole baby thing boils down to one major point for me:

Attitude.

Get your head in the right space before trying to make another human. As fun as it is getting that little person in their little incubator (AKA having sexy time...), they are going to demand a lot from you. And take what other people say to you with a pinch of salt - they may only be trying to help, so don't get nasty with them, but make up your own mind on how things are going to work out. You are, after all, in charge of your own happiness.

And right now, happiness is....