2020 - the year of "No"

I have decided that 2020 is my year of "No".

The year of letting go of the guilt associated with saying "No" and just accepting that life is too short to try and please everyone. This year, I'm all about pleasing myself - get your mind out of the gutter please - and embracing peace of mind knowing that I can be happy without having to keep everyone else happy at the same time.

I'm going to say "No" to other peoples' drama. There is nothing worse than being sucked into someone else's soap opera, where everyday brings a new drama and histrionics aimed at drawing attention and illiciting sympathy. Done. I'll get my fill of drama from Netflix on a Saturday night, thank you.

It's a big "No" to negativity in all of its sly forms. If you have something negative to say, go ahead and say it, but I won't engage with you or agree with you. This goes for negative actions and energy too - I am so done with negative people.What is the point of finding something wrong every day? Let it go, be positive even when things look bleak - attitude is an amazing game changer... I always try to see the positive in any situation, and it makes a big difference in how one reacts to and deals with problems. Getting negative, angry and grumpy never achieves anything positive, it only brings down others around you too.

There will be a few "Yes"s among all of these definitive refusals, the most important one being - me. You may feel that this is quite vain or selfish, but quite honestly,  I don't care what you think. And please don't take that the wrong way, because it's not about you, but rather, about me and the way I view and respect myself. 

I've neglected the most important person in my life, and it's time to reconnect with her and find that carefree, whimsical person that is hidden somewhere under the "mom" facade. I've taken up and been loving my yoga as it gives me time to reflect on my personal strength and goals and to refocus my energy into the right places. Of course, this only happens when I'm not being used as a jungle gym by my two children....

I've also taken up running - yes, you heard right, I'm actually running. And surprisingly enough, thoroughly enjoying it! It has become a bit of an addiction at the moment, and luckily we are so spoiled for options out in the country, so it hasn't got boring yet! A group of us have entered a two day stage race happening in May (or supposed to be...), and having that goal to work towards has been extremely rewarding. Getting and staying running fit is hard, much harder than swimming for me, but I feel so energized and proud of myself after every outing that it is slowly becoming addictive. I'm also feeling the most positive about my body for the first time since having children, and that is doing wonders for my self-esteem. It feels great to just disconnect from life and engage with nature and myself.

So, even with all the uncertainty and fear around the current Covid-19 Pandemic, I find myself strangely optimistic about life. This global disaster has brought out several positive reactions in humanity; we are appreciating our health and working harder at staying healthy, appreciating our time together as a family, and looking out for and caring for others who are more vulnerable than ourselves. Our country has been so positive in their approach to combatting the virus that I find myself so proud of my fellow South Africans and positive that we will come out of this as better people when it is all over.

Therefore - Away with you negativity. You are a useless and damaging emotion, I hereby expunge you from my life with immediate effect.

Love and light to you all. Stay strong and healthy, and stay the F*ck at home...

Living the screen dream...

This past weekend we decided, spur of the moment, to take a trip to the coast and get the kids some vitamin sea. We live about an hour and a half away from some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, so we hardly need an excuse to pack everyone up and head down to Durban for a night.

The weather played out of its boots - an absolutely beautiful day on the beach, with a slight breeze and refreshing, clear water. There's nothing better than exhausted, happy, sun-kissed bodies having a midday nap whilst mom and dad catch up on some of the Australian Open...bliss.

On our way back up the hill, we thought it would be nice to take the wildlings to watch a movie at the cinema - an outing that was met with much excitement from two little bare-footed country bumpkins! As they weaved through the throngs of people in the mall, laughing wildly without a care in the world, my heart swelled with pride and happiness for these two little people of ours. Not a care in the world and so much life to live. The disparaging looks from mall patrons only made me chuckle as I really do pity people who take life so seriously, and can't see that two little happy kids running through a mall, bare-footed and fancy-free is something to aim for, not shy away from.

As we reached the cinema complex, something became startlingly clear to me. Nearly every single person that we had passed in the mall was on their phone.

A couple in a coffee shop, two steaming cups of java between them, both slouched in their chairs staring at their screens. The security guard at the top of the escalators, the attendant behind the ticket counter, the cleaner in the toilets...and everywhere I looked I could find them. Earphones in, vacant bored expressions on their faces, completely sucked into their screens. 

Disturbing, but perhaps I'm overreacting right?

As we entered the movie theatre, the same condition persisted. Children that couldn't be older than eight or nine, attached to their cellphones. Throughout the movie there were constant notifications and even a few phone calls - kids unable, or more accurately, unwilling to turn off their devices for the duration of a Disney movie. There was even a child in the row in front of us who was playing a game on his phone throughout the movie, with his earphones in. At one point I had to get up to take my child to the toilet, so i rummaged in my handbag for our tickets (surely we would need them to get back in?) and made a sneaky exit - straight past the door attendant who didn't even look up from her screen in acknowledgement of my explanation that we were just quickly going out and would be back. The same reaction from the steward at the entrance to the complex, although he did give me a cursory wave with his hand as if to say move on now. After we had finished in the toilets, we made our way back to the theatre without any challenge or acknowledgement from any of the staff - we could have been anyone just walking in and they wouldn't have cared. 

I pointed this out to the hubster as we were making our way back through the crowds after our movie. We jokingly counted how many patrons we could find that were not on their phones, but the actual count was really nothing to joke about. I can't believe that there were so many people disengaged from the present, completely lost to their tiny world of technology. Its confusing enough to me that you're inside a mall on a beautiful beach day, but to be sucked into your phone on top of it, and not even engaging with the people with you, makes me really sad. Its like they were all just wafting about in a dreamlike daze, bored and indifferent of the world around them, seeking gratification and verification through their devices. 

As we got back to the car, I automatically reached for my phone to check my messages. None. No-one looking for me, no missed calls. And it made me think how, through technology, we are under constant pressure to be available at all times, to everyone, for everything. Its a constant form of anxiety, thinking that you need to have your phone with you at all times just in case someone needs you. It's also an easy escape from reality, a place to post enviable social updates and shop for specials online, a distraction from boredom. A place to disengage from the "mundane, predictable, ordinary" everyday life that we live. A life that we should be embracing and experiencing every single day. A life that we should be living, not tweeting. 

It made me realise that you don't have to succumb to this time-devouring, anxiety inducing device. Do yourself a favour and put it away. Turn off your notifications, and challenge yourself to be less dependant on your phone. Put it down and pick up those running shoes, or go play outside with your kids. If someone needs you, they can wait - you need you sometimes too. Be present in the now and stop being available to everyone else but yourself. Your phone will still be there when you're done living for the moment.

So next time you're bored and reach for your phone, remember to pause - look up. Appreciate everything that is around you, take in the sights and the sounds. Greet random strangers, stop and smell the roses.

You might be surprised at how much you have been missing.